is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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