hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
