we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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