One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
