And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
