Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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