I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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