I hate all girls vehemently.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
