We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Couch. On fire.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
