Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
