we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
