my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He shit in the fireplace
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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