Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
