I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
