Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
