Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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