Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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