I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize