Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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