Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
