you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
