Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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