i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
