i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
