Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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