I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
