I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
