PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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