Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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