Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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