I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
