you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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