Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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