dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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