I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
