And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize