i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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