I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
