In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
