There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
