all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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