I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
