your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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