I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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