maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
