I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
