They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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