Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
