omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
