She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my shit smells like andre
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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