I just threw up on my dentist
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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