matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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