Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
