you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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