Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
