We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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