Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
