I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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