Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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