I'll bet she douches with gravy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
