maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I didn't notice because vodka
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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