if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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