So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
