We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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