Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
