How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
