Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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