I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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