I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
