I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
