are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need a shit load of segways right now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
