I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.