I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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